Colourblind

So, I'm back in Widnes; for the first time in what? Since late October? It's weird, really. I've not exactly seen much of the town; but nevermind. I'm sure lots of things have changed and all, but I almost don't care.

I miss people. People from here; but I don't know how long I'll be in town. I'm down to work Boxing Day, but I don't know how I'm supposed to get up to Lancaster without a train. I've called and everything, to try and arrange cover; but nevermind.

My seperation from this place (other than as a location where people reside), seems to have become complete. I'm neither happy nor proud, but I've barely spoken to any of my friends in so long. This needs to be rectified; but again I'm not sure when. I'm trying to plan something for my birthday, but plans aren't finalised. I don't know.

I hate myself, in some ways. You know HOW I finally realised this place held nothing for me? When I realised that I don't even particularly keep the memories anymore.

I can't remember Claire's phone number.

Five years, floating around in my head with no value whatsoever, and then just drawing a blank. It's actually a little worrying in some respects. I don't forget, as a rule. That and...other neurological events have had me a little stressed of late.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just jaded.

I'm a man; male Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Expressing my emotions is not something that comes easily to me; I don't inherently rely on a support network; and I'm hardwired evolutionarily into saving communication for conveying meaning; and not as a social grooming activity.

So, it's sometimes difficult to actually say anything on a blog like this. I mean; my circumstances rarely change in any way that anyone who reads this could possibly relate to. I mean; I've started doing a few more hours at work, which is good, but then I don't think any of you know that I wanted more hours at work.

Should I start postng records of my World Of Warcraft activities? Recently, I think Cara's been putting in more hours than me; and certainly getting more done. Part of that is probably because I run almost exclusively on RP-PvP servers, so every now and then it's nice to relax and wander into a city to actually talk to people...before you get viciously mauled by a raid. It can be fun, though. Adds to the whole 'immersion' thing when you run characters with stories, and personalities, and interpersonal relationships. Although some of the RP backstories are a little...far-fetched. On any given Silvermoon day, there must be at least five vampires and ten half-demons, each with suitably elaborate and unlikely stories (and each claiming they are the only one of whatever they are). Most of these, I suspect, are mainly for the purposes of initiating cyber-sex...and since my main is a blood elf female, this is sometimes very, very bad.

But, yeah; if you do play WoW, consider playing an RP realm some time, and getting involved in the RP. It's a different kind of experience, but often a rewarding one. If you choose the Sporeggar realm, look for Elaethin, or install the MyRolePlay mod, and look for any player whose 'house name' is House Hawkmarch.

I almost forgot about this.

In the wake of living my life, I fail to record it. This, of course, makes it transient and temporary.
But then, I will never be Beowulf, now, will I?

Anyway, where was I?

I've got a job. Finally. Working in a 'retro' bar; and it's actually pretty cool. The people are pretty cool, the work is passable; and even some of the customers are bearable. I'm still searching for something more solid, but it's a nice start.

Taekwondo is going well. I have my grading for 2nd Kup, this Sunday. It's been a long, long time since I've actually been nervous about anything; but I am. I'm crossing my 'registered as lethal weapons' fingers for this one.

These, of course, are all footnotes.

I've just reminded myself of the existence of this thing, so I'll probably update more often. Then again, I have said that before. Anyway.