Colourblind

Why am I up at this stupid time, you ask? Well, remember how I told you I was drinking beer in a lab? I haven’t actually left, yet. I really should have, and nothing but stubbornness is motivating me to be here. I think the plan is to head to Macdonalds for breakfast, which is absurd, since Macdonalds breakfasts taste like pre-heated cac, and always contain egg.

Perhaps their coffee would be bearable.

I’ve been thinking a lot, about a lot of things. I suppose I had to do something while everybody else was ‘working’. I’ve been toying with the idea of changing my relationship status on Facebook to ‘It’s complicated’, but for two things. Firstly, when it says that, it automatically comes up with a bulletin saying such-and-such ‘is now listed as in a relationship and its complicated.’, and secondly, I don’t think I could bear the interrogation I’d receive on so many fronts (not least of all Helen, I imagine).

But my life is so complicated, right now. I don’t know what I should be thinking, feeling, doing. I can throw myself into my work, I suppose. The meeting today gave me lots of good ideas. Moore’s paradox could just be the keystone I was looking for to hold my essay together. But I digress. I can’t make promises I can’t be sure I can keep; to anyone.

So one thing ends where I wish it never had to, and something I’d love to come into fruition can never be.

If this place takes one more thing from me, I’m going to start taking back.

Been looking at various Tae Kwon-Do resources, whilst I’ve been here, too. Since my current grade actually presupposes my knowledge not only of the four patterns I do know, but of one I don’t, I have some catching up to do. Particularly since I would like to learn others before I grade again. Yul-Gok is…interesting. Feels slightly more airy than the familiar solidity of Won-Io, and there are techniques there that are not only unusual, but entirely incomprehensible. I’ve been watching a video of it all night, trying to position myself into it, to memorise the movements. A new technique, not sure of its effectiveness, yet. I feel like I should buy a club dobok, too. Hmm…

I might skip this breakfast and just head home. I don’t know if I’m in the mood, and sleep would serve. I have a long day of job hunting, tomorrow. I applied for a position at a security firm; bouncing, essentially. I figure I’ve got a decent level of tae kwon-do credential, so that’s a plus. Training and registration is included in the job, so all I’d have to do is go down to Nottingham for a day or so, then I’ll be ok.

Anyway, that took me 18 minutes.