Colourblind

Women suck.

 

 

Sorry, girls; I love you, you know that, but you all fucking suck.

 

That's pretty much that.

 

In other news, this Christmas really began this morning when I was awoken by the sound of our vacuum cleaner, at seven in the morning. My mother's annual polish-until-it-dies festival got well underway so now the house smells like orange oil wood polish and displaced dust.

No idea what to get anyone for christmas. May need to get Helen to drive me to Toys'R'them for Alex', and Cara and I are going to Manchester on Friday night for most everyone else's. Unfortunately, this includes Cara's. What the FUCK do I get her? I mean, I've got an idea for Alex', and I'm not close enough to Debbie to have to worry, and ironically, I know exactly what I'm getting for Helen; but I have no idea what to get Cara...

Shitfuck.

Any suggestions will be answered with gratitude, and possibly oral sex (from someone I convince/pay).

Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
still with that boy?
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
shakes head* no he broke up with me a while ago
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
ah, I'm sorry, hun
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
said that his "conditions" where gettin to him and itd be best for both of us if he was just on his own for a while
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
and then got a new girlfriend about two weeks later
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
I've been working on some interesting pressure-point strikes, if you'd like me to have words with him
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
lol
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
na youre alright
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
im just a bit tired of bein a stand in until someone better comes along
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
im also tired with myself, for fallin for people who i have no chance with because im too scared to say anything to them
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
*hugs*
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
you, me, and malcolm must get drunk together, and lament the sorry state of human relationships
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
lol
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
thursday then?
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
haha, works for me
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
i heard about that btw. you okay?
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
um, yeah. I am. She's not as ok.
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
...how did you hear about that?
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
cant remember actually. i think claire told me
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
...how would she know?
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
*shrug* i dunno
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
gloating, I presume
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
ah, well
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
I earned her contempt a long time ago
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
shes not actually
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
you know, I regret a lot of things in my life, but nothing so much as the mess I made of that, after her and I split up
im aware of the high and the low, ive been waitin for you in the middle but i just like control says:
nods*
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
ah, well
Nekokun || There's something you should know... || says:
amusing though I find it that my ex-girlfriend passes on information about my relationship status, yes, I'm ok.

Background:

This is a convo with my friend Sarah. Her ex-boyfriend Craig is the boy to whom I refer. The Claire that is mentioned is my ex of three and a half years, from when I was 15 to a little before my 19th birthday. She and I do NOT get on. Her and Sarah went the same uni, so still talk and things, but Claire doesn't go there now.

Why the FUCK does my ex know about my relationship status?

That is all.

Heh, I imagine that's going to make life a little more complicated.

Spent the last couple of days (nights) at Cara's house, or in her company. Been pretty much joined at the hip, which I'm sure can't have gone entirely unnoticed by a few people, who will no doubt be opening their big mouths about it for a little while. Let the rumour mill pump out what it likes.

The magic eight ball and I seem to be in agreement, in that a certain amount of the truth is inevitably going to be leaked out, and we're just going to have to face the music, some time; but equally, the good Dr. Francis raises an excellent point, that the truth can hurt, and although good for its own sake, should not be considered the be all and end all of morality. Best to take things slow, I think. Maybe leave a little room and time for negotiation.

On the subject of negotiation; it looks like I don't have a job after all. This is, as a technical term, a fucking cunt. I was definately hoping for the experience over Christmas, and that would have helped so much. Oh, well. At least I'll be around to see my family. I could always have a look around town, but since it's not a student place, there are a lot less christmas jobs going, especially in bars.

Don't know how all of this is going to effect my dissertation. At least I know now I can make time without feeling guilty about it. Gonna need to dance to liverpool for books, too.

Fuck.

 

Once again, I write to you from a lab I shouldn't be in.

I was going to post the door code, but decided against it because Chris (who's account I am...borrowing) is larger than I am.

Busy couple of days, mostly taken up by job applications and strange texts from girls I never expected to hear from ever again. Weird, but pretty pleasant. I have a job interview at the classy Beckett's Bank Wetherspoon's on Tuesday. It's been a while since I've had one of them. the experience is more valuable to me than the money; and I suspect that an excuse to stay away from home for a month longer may be more valuable again.

I think, finally, I have torn myself away from that place. Too many enemies, too many ex-girlfriends. Too much politics, and animosity. Those few things that do draw me back, I miss terribly; but how many of them come with a cost I can't really pay anymore...I couldn't say. 

The guys are all doing coursework, and looking at their screens, it occurs that I cannot read a word of any of it...

 

Weird bastards. 

Ok, I begin this post at 6:06 a.m.

Why am I up at this stupid time, you ask? Well, remember how I told you I was drinking beer in a lab? I haven't actually left, yet. I really should have, and nothing but stubbornness is motivating me to be here. I think the plan is to head to Macdonalds for breakfast, which is absurd, since Macdonalds breakfasts taste like pre-heated cac, and always contain egg.

Perhaps their coffee would be bearable.

I've been thinking a lot, about a lot of things. I suppose I had to do something while everybody else was 'working'. I've been toying with the idea of changing my relationship status on Facebook to 'It's complicated', but for two things. Firstly, when it says that, it automatically comes up with a bulletin saying such-and-such 'is now listed as in a relationship and its complicated.', and secondly, I don't think I could bear the interrogation I'd receive on so many fronts (not least of all Helen, I imagine).

But my life is so complicated, right now. I don't know what I should be thinking, feeling, doing. I can throw myself into my work, I suppose. The meeting today gave me lots of good ideas. Moore's paradox could just be the keystone I was looking for to hold my essay together. But I digress. I can't make promises I can't be sure I can keep; to anyone.

So one thing ends where I wish it never had to, and something I'd love to come into fruition can never be.

If this place takes one more thing from me, I'm going to start taking back.

Been looking at various Tae Kwon-Do resources, whilst I've been here, too. Since my current grade actually presupposes my knowledge not only of the four patterns I do know, but of one I don't, I have some catching up to do. Particularly since I would like to learn others before I grade again. Yul-Gok is...interesting. Feels slightly more airy than the familiar solidity of Won-Io, and there are techniques there that are not only unusual, but entirely incomprehensible. I've been watching a video of it all night, trying to position myself into it, to memorise the movements. A new technique, not sure of its effectiveness, yet. I feel like I should buy a club dobok, too. Hmm...

I might skip this breakfast and just head home. I don't know if I'm in the mood, and sleep would serve. I have a long day of job hunting, tomorrow. I applied for a position at a security firm; bouncing, essentially. I figure I've got a decent level of tae kwon-do credential, so that's a plus. Training and registration is included in the job, so all I'd have to do is go down to Nottingham for a day or so, then I'll be ok.

Anyway, that took me 18 minutes.

Holy sweet mother of God, I am tired.

My Taekwondo grading was, I think, an unqualified success. I would have actually been overjoyed to even skip a single grade, to go up to green tag; from yellow tag.

They gave me a blue belt...that's what? yellow, tag, green, tag, blue...4 grades skipped?

I almost was sick when they told me...they're going to expect me to be good at this, now.

Along with that, I had a pretty...hectic day. After being very slowly, but pleasantly awakened by the beauty of nature, I had a lousy day of meetings, followed by presentations, followed by meetings, followed by grading...

Now I'm drinking beer in a computer lab. Cheers.

I've not blogged since...the 17th?

It's been a very busy couple of weeks. Where do I start? I'm currently sat in one of the computer labs, running linux. I still maintain that linux is a useless pile of arse; because the system is how it is. I don't agree with it, but if Windows is the only operating system that so many programs will work on, then I'm forced to stand under its flag. How did I get onto Linux?

Worryingly, I've been here since 9am...

So I'm busy messaging random friends of Michelle's, and typing blog entries when I should really be finishing my dissertation presentation for Dr. Cameron (see what I did there?). That's Wednesday afternoon, but I can't work on it tomorrow, since Cara's coming up for a day, and women are distracting. Less distracting than girlfriends, but that's another story.

Oh, did I mention I'm single now?

Yeah.

I have my last proctorial, tomorrow, too. I told Cara to time her arrival to show up after it, but she seems to want to come, so I have an extra member of the class for a day. Two extra members if George finally carries out his threat of visiting. After what he said about Cara on Friday night, I'd be surprised if he turned this opportunity down. Something about breasts that bears not repeating. Made me laugh, though.

Oh, party Friday. Come.