Colourblind

Ok, I don’t have long; and this post is aimed mainly at those amongst my friends list who practice ITF Tae Kwon-do (although any of you that practice another striking martial art may be of some use.)

For my next grading (1st Kup), in my association; I have to develop and perform my own pattern. There aren’t many rules. I must have at least 15 techniques, which can be either GUARDING blocks (not striking blocks) or kicks (including knees and defensive kicks).  Variety counts, as does thematic completeness; and the entire procedure should be roughly as demanding as Hwa-rang tul.

Unfortunately, I’m suffering a terrible bout of writer’s block.

So far, I have some parts that I quite like. The opening sequence (left side, then mirrored right side; my own personal homage to Shotokan) is good, and leads me into a strong thematic influence of high, pushing (rather than snapping) kicks. To this end, I chose the name Gyeong-Nae (named for the Korean rebel leeder Hong Gyeong-Nae (1771-1812); who led a peasant army against an occupying and apparently corrupt government), and the thematic principle of dismounting a cavalryman.

However, there’s more challenges than I anticipated here. On the plus side, I’ll be grading aside three attention-deficit ten year olds; so at least I’ll look good in comparison. I don’t have long, right now; so I’m not going to post what I have so far, though I might next time. Any thoughts or suggestions or encouragements are incredibly welcome.

I’ve not updated in a while; but then, I’ve had little to say.

I’ve just been looking at a facebook group titled something along the lines of ‘I bet I can find one million atheists’

Here we are, a link (opens in a new window) ;  “I Bet I Can Find 1,000,000 Atheists!”

What really draws my attention to this page is a small comment at the bottom, that made me think on two levels.

“Atheists are like cats, free thinkers who are not united in a belief by an organisation. This can stop now. Facebook can link millions of like thinkers all over the world to give a forum, voice, and platform.”

Firstly, it becomes readily apparent that atheists as much as anyone else like to use animalistic totem imagery in order to gratify their egos and attempt to justify a point that ultimately makes no sense (I’ll put this down to linguistic norms rather than hypocrisy); and secondly, that little point about having a voice. This isn’t dissimilar to my philosophical concerns regarding any atheist society: What good is a voice if your entire point is that there is nothing to say?

I mean; I’m not trying to say that atheists don’t have any points to make. But isn’t it all counter-argument? There’s no value, at all, in being an atheist over a theist. If there is no God, then they’re pretty much on level standing, and if there is one, then, well, you’re pretty fucked. Moreover, psychologically, faith just makes people happy. I’m trying not to get into the arguments of morality here, because my own position on the possibility of a universal morality without a God is…evolving, as it were; and certainly untenable in any sophisticated argument at the moment.

But yeah, why would Atheists need any sort of unified position? To fight fundamentalism and religiously fuelled hate? Yeah; because modern sensible religions haven’t been trying to do just the same, along with governments, peace groups and pretty much everyone else other than a few bigoted pastors, manipulative imams and loud-mouthed, violent and occasionally high-explosive saps they call followers. You’re worried perhaps that the general theistic masses don’t realise that these people are evil, sinful psychopaths? Newsflash, we do.

Sorry. I got a little angry, then.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

Leaving.

Just a couple of things:

First of all; I’m back on my quest for an artist to work on a medium to long term graphic novel project with me. There’s plenty of material avaliable; and I’m currently just looking for any starting point to work from, so if you know anyone or can think of anything that might help me here, let me know.

Secondly, I’m well. Looking forward to my birthday (and Simon’s, oddly. I assume this is just because I don’t get many nights out, anymore). Kind of feeling disassociated from everything, again. Still waiting for this not to be the norm, of course. I am happy; though. Just need to have faith that people are objects, and not events.

/cast [nomod:bored] distraction

im in ur accountz. shrdn ur purplz.

Last night was my first new year since 2001/2002 that I haven’t had somebody to kiss at midnight. It makes me think about how I view myself, and how the world views me; and how this actually compares to the truth. I mean, in discussing my domestic bliss with Lesley, she said it suited me much better than being a man whore. Which is odd…because even though I have felt like a man whore, and I know some people have thought me it in the past; I’ve spent almost a third of my life now pretty much in long-term relationships.

Kinda odd.

Also, as a more general topic; working new years eve in a bar is shit. I recommend against it thoroughly; and I actually really like my job in general, so if it was a shittier job, I don’t know if I could have managed it.

So what do we all have for new years resolutions? Are we all suitably self-interested, with our gym memberships/diets/giving up fucking dirty cock (to quote Danielle)? I’m definately self-interested. I want to actually look acceptable in my costume for my birthday, and that means gym time. Although I’ve also been thinking (as I far too often do, this time of year) about the past. I want to make some things right that went wrong, correct mistakes I’ve made…I just hope it’s not too late; even as I’m almost certain it is.

Anyway, peace out, and I wish you all a very happy new year.

All the tea in china.

So, I’m back in Widnes; for the first time in what? Since late October? It’s weird, really. I’ve not exactly seen much of the town; but nevermind. I’m sure lots of things have changed and all, but I almost don’t care.

I miss people. People from here; but I don’t know how long I’ll be in town. I’m down to work Boxing Day, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to get up to Lancaster without a train. I’ve called and everything, to try and arrange cover; but nevermind.

My seperation from this place (other than as a location where people reside), seems to have become complete. I’m neither happy nor proud, but I’ve barely spoken to any of my friends in so long. This needs to be rectified; but again I’m not sure when. I’m trying to plan something for my birthday, but plans aren’t finalised. I don’t know.

I hate myself, in some ways. You know HOW I finally realised this place held nothing for me? When I realised that I don’t even particularly keep the memories anymore.

I can’t remember Claire’s phone number.

Five years, floating around in my head with no value whatsoever, and then just drawing a blank. It’s actually a little worrying in some respects. I don’t forget, as a rule. That and…other neurological events have had me a little stressed of late.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just jaded.

I’m a man; male Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Expressing my emotions is not something that comes easily to me; I don’t inherently rely on a support network; and I’m hardwired evolutionarily into saving communication for conveying meaning; and not as a social grooming activity.

So, it’s sometimes difficult to actually say anything on a blog like this. I mean; my circumstances rarely change in any way that anyone who reads this could possibly relate to. I mean; I’ve started doing a few more hours at work, which is good, but then I don’t think any of you know that I wanted more hours at work.

Should I start postng records of my World Of Warcraft activities? Recently, I think Cara’s been putting in more hours than me; and certainly getting more done. Part of that is probably because I run almost exclusively on RP-PvP servers, so every now and then it’s nice to relax and wander into a city to actually talk to people…before you get viciously mauled by a raid. It can be fun, though. Adds to the whole ‘immersion’ thing when you run characters with stories, and personalities, and interpersonal relationships. Although some of the RP backstories are a little…far-fetched. On any given Silvermoon day, there must be at least five vampires and ten half-demons, each with suitably elaborate and unlikely stories (and each claiming they are the only one of whatever they are). Most of these, I suspect, are mainly for the purposes of initiating cyber-sex…and since my main is a blood elf female, this is sometimes very, very bad.

But, yeah; if you do play WoW, consider playing an RP realm some time, and getting involved in the RP. It’s a different kind of experience, but often a rewarding one. If you choose the Sporeggar realm, look for Elaethin, or install the MyRolePlay mod, and look for any player whose ‘house name’ is House Hawkmarch.

I almost forgot about this.

In the wake of living my life, I fail to record it. This, of course, makes it transient and temporary.
But then, I will never be Beowulf, now, will I?

Anyway, where was I?

I’ve got a job. Finally. Working in a ‘retro’ bar; and it’s actually pretty cool. The people are pretty cool, the work is passable; and even some of the customers are bearable. I’m still searching for something more solid, but it’s a nice start.

Taekwondo is going well. I have my grading for 2nd Kup, this Sunday. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve actually been nervous about anything; but I am. I’m crossing my ‘registered as lethal weapons’ fingers for this one.

These, of course, are all footnotes.

I’ve just reminded myself of the existence of this thing, so I’ll probably update more often. Then again, I have said that before. Anyway.

Ok, so, you know, kind of a change of circumstances. I’ve moved, obviously. Currently living in a house (A house!) to the address of 102 Norfolk Street, Lancaster. And I’m currently sat in a little cafe/juice bar listening to Aretha Franklin (Respect, unsurprisingly). Up until a moment ago, it was The Beatles.

 Life after university is strange. It involves lots of waiting as best I can tell. The old trick of finding the things that make you happy in life tends to…stick. You find yourself taking more solace in the comforts you build around yourself.

 But I have Aretha.

 Internet is a fuss. Trying to get orange broadband, but to do that I need a passport and a bank statement from my current address. So I get Cara’s dad to countersign my passport application (he keeps his passport number saved on his phone, he does that many) and send it off. Then my bank; and I find out that to change my address actually requires a passport. Typical. So, when my passport arrives, in about three weeks or whatever, I should be able to sort internet (and a contract phone, so I should be easier than ever to reach).

 Joined a gym, a real live gym. How growed up am I? Baulked the shit out of my knuckles on the heavy bag, but it’s good. Should keep me a little less stressed, which is very good, because I’ve been so on edge for so long now. When I start working, too, should be good. I amaze myself with how little experience I actually have.

 

Baulked is a good word.

Anyway, I still read your notes and all, when I get a chance. So keep up with them.

Much love.

Just wanderkinning on a group on facebook called something like ‘Being from widnes doesn’t make me a scouser.’ I scanned the listings, and was unsurprised to see people I know…knew.

 A lot of girls I know from hgh school, in the year below me, holding children with their eyes. Am I at the age where it’s appropriate to have children? Or has the stereotype of widnes been upheld?

 

Am I the only one with the decency not to be proud of coming from that shithole? See, I say ‘that’ and I’m sat here right now.

High school, you know - ‘that which never ends’, taught us all more than we care to admit.

 

Maybe I’m just annoyed at seeing my ex’ face. Whoever said ‘you never get over your first love’ was right, but never specified. It’s like never getting over a gunshot or a rape. It’s searing, unexplainable and inescapable anger. 

And it never goes away.

 

Hoorah! 

Aristotle taught us to find a harmonic balance between emotional, characteristic extremes. Moderation in all things is the byword here, pretty much.

More and more, I see people unwilling to accept moderation in anything, and pushing further and further away from…well, sense. Screw morality (Aristotle’s overall field of concern here), some things are just stupid.

 First thing I want to reference, and I’d like to point out that this isn’t in my usual style, is  http://ravingatheist.com.  I read a little, and it’s well written, I liked it. But then, after a while, I realised that he (I assume it’s a he) is ranting against religion with all the spittle-mouthed fervour that preachers rant for it. This, obviously, can be extended to other people of my own aquaintance, actually. Just bothers me that people feel the need to jump so very heavily on one side of the fence. Can’t you just say ‘I believe you are wrong’? Anyway, like I said, it’s well written and usually quite reasonable, so it gets a one-thumb up and a neat ‘fuck off’ from me, which as those who know me will probably know, is actually quite a compliment.

 Secondly, and this is drawn from a post of Mr. George Shore (indirectly, and my thoughts and prayers go with his family); the same problems exist in the social sphere. Why are we all so desperate to label a group of people wrong? ‘Chavs’ attack ‘moshers’, ‘moshers’ take the moral high-ground and simply label ‘chavs’ evil and say they should be wiped out (one must wonder if this is actually moral high-ground or merely weakness of conviction); what are we to believe? I believe that anyone who’s willing to judge anyone else as evil has to have some moral weight on them; surely? I mean, it may be a Western, Judeo-Christiocentric view that forgiveness is inherently good, but if you want to jump to memetic atheism, notice that it’s the forgiving and self-sacrificing monotheistic model that seems to be the most powerful; and that’s just proof of the evolutionary advantages of it, as a social contract. I’m sorry, I digress. Regardless, Can one not stop labelling everything so generally?

 

Why must one be ‘mosher’ or ‘chav’? ‘theist’ or ‘rationalist’ (sic)? I mean, obviously, there are people that aren’t, but even the people that are realise the other side is bad for exactly the same crimes they are guilty of: that of straying too far from centre.

 

 

 

Anyway, I’m sorry I haven’t posted for a while. Lots of stuff going on. Should be as regular as a posie with a photosynthesis addiction, in the immediate future.

 

Ask me about my raped friend.

 

-Out.